Dogs & Doghouses

Part Three: Be Careful Little Eyes

Oh be careful little eyes what you see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
So be careful little eyes what you see
- Children’s song

Please take the following quiz.

1. If you lived in a neighborhood where what you see on television actually happened, would you continue to live there?

2. Would you allow people to come into your home and be as filthy mouthed as they are on television? Would you allow real people to stand in your home and speak the same words in front of your children and spouse as what they hear coming from the television?

3. Would you get annoyed to have visitors six to seven hours a day?

4. If you knew someone who watched countless hours of hard-core pornography would you think that person needed help?

5. If you knew someone who watched countless hours of violence, without the least pang of conscience, would you think that person needed help?

6. How many human bodies have you seen destroyed on your television this past month?

7. How many shootings have there been on your television this month?

8. How many fist fights have you witnessed this month on your television?

9. How many car wrecks have you seen on the television this month?

10. How many people have you watched die in fires this month on your television?

11. How many times has the Lord’s name been taken in vain in your home, this month, from the speaker of the television?

12. Would you agree or disagree with the following statement: In terms of searing a piece of flesh beyond feeling, our tolerance for violence and murder has gone about as far as it can go.

13. Are God’s children supposed to be emotionally and spiritually numbed to pornography or the death of other human beings?

14. How many human bodies do we get to see destroyed before we “get it” and no longer find it interesting?

15. Would you let people come into your home and act out their adulterous affairs in front of your family?

16. In terms of guns and giving children the wrong impression, would you stand behind a piece of plywood or drywall when being shot at from very close range?

17. How come nobody on the television is a faithful member of a scriptural New Testament church?

18. How come nobody on the television ever studies the Bible?

19. How come nobody on the television ever spends time in prayer?

20. How come the angels on television never testify that the shed blood of Jesus Christ is the only way to God in heaven?

21. Since the angels of television don’t testify that the shed blood of Jesus Christ is the only way to God in heaven, do you classify them as having the spirit of an anti-Christ?

22. Would you be proud of your children if they grew up and acted like any character on a current situation comedy?

Some messages get amens, some don't. Or, to quote a now deceased pastor I used to know, "We all have our favorite parts of the Bible." Divorce message (not popular because most churches now have divorced people in them), covetousness messages (not popular because that's what our culture revolves around), and messages about how we are immune to violence and what our entertainment industries do to us in the privacy of our own homes aren't popular because the average American watches between four and eight hours of television a day. These are just a few, you get the point I'm sure. BUT I know I'll get a rousing round of amens, each and every time, if I just preach against homosexuality. That seems to be the straw to break the camel's back. I wonder why that is?

I've been told that a sin is a sin. And by that is meant there is no ranking of the sins; that no particular sin is worse than any other particular sin. This reasoning places something like lying right up there with going on a killing spree. I'm not totally convinced of this, but let's just take it at face value (you might want to run that one by Ananais and Sapphira - Acts, chapter five). Though of course, all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23).

So here's what brought this all on. I was thinking the other day that I know some Christians who could, if they dressed in yellow, pass for haystacks. They are that big. Like, grossly, morbidly, I never want to see you in shorts, obese. And I'm thinking, nobody is born morbidly obese, just like nobody is born a homosexual and that living a lifestyle of obesity has many related health problems and causes many societal ills, just like living a homosexual lifestyle. And furthermore, obesity limits what people can do for the Lord. It hurts their wittness (just like trying to live for Christ as an unrepentant homosexual would). But for Baptists, nobody seems to notice (or perhaps nobody wants to notice) the great big sin that is prevalent in many assemblies all across the United States. I believe that's called hypocrisy.

Mat 23:23 - Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier [matters] of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone. (24) [Ye] blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel. (25) Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess.

Part Two: The Laugh Track

The laugh track laughs loudest when the jokes are the most carnal. Solomon compared the laughter of fools to the crackling of thorns in a fire (Ecclesiastes 7:6).

The last article was on so-called situation comedies. This one is related by a thing known as the “laugh track.” You may not at first know what one is, but I guarantee you’ve heard one before. The laugh track is the background laughing viewers hear when someone on a situation comedy says something that’s supposed to be funny. It’s a hold-over from when television was done in front of live audiences. But that’s not the case now. The laugh track was kept for reasons that I’ll discuss below. Laugh track laughter is also known as “canned” laughter; meaning it can happen whenever a producer wants it to happen. If you want some laughing on your show, just open the laugh track.

The old saying about misery loving company is reversed when it comes to the laugh track. Part of the psychology involved is that a person is less likely to laugh when they think they are laughing alone, or when what’s being said isn’t that funny. But to feel as though an entire studio audience is going over the edge in gut-wrenching laughter at what has to be the most hilarious words spoken all week helps the viewers at home loosen up and laugh, or are at least be amused. After all, if it weren’t funny they wouldn’t be playing the laugh track, right? It’s easy to forget the laughter we hear on the television is pre-recorded and, in some cases, computer generated.

If you or I were to say some of the same things we hear on television, even in similar situations, it wouldn’t be nearly as funny. If we don’t laugh during a show we begin to rightly think the show in question isn’t funny. And, in turn, we use the remote control to find something more entertaining. People who pay to have their commercials on the television don’t like low ratings. It is all about making money and laughing on the way to the bank.

Here are a few things you can try at home to get the point. First of all, the next time you watch a situation comedy, try to imagine the dialog without the laugh track. Objectively, as though you were listening to someone from your local church say the words, ask yourself, “Would that be funny?” Or, better yet, “Would I allow someone to come into my home and say that in front of my children and wife?” See, you’re smiling already.

Secondly, appreciate that laugh tracks are timed. In other words, the frequency that the laughs are released increases the closer the show gets to its final moments. Initially, the laugh track runs about once every 15 to 20 seconds. Towards the end of the show the laughter comes about every 5 to 10 seconds. This helps set the mood for the viewer, so we think that towards the end the show is getting funnier. And then, right at the very end when most situation comedies moralize and teach their “lessons”, the laugh track stops. This helps emulate the seriousness of the conclusions. By the end of the show, we’re supposed to not want it to end so that we’ll tune in again next week. This crescendo of hilarity goes by mostly unnoticed. Get yourself a stop watch, a piece of paper, and a pencil - you’ll see for yourself.

Also know there is another track, but I don’t know its name. Once in a while you’ll hear it when something that’s supposed to be particularly emotional happens; like when an unmarried character holds her illegitimate baby in her arms for the first time or when two characters who have known each other for a long time decide to commit fornication for the first time. This is the “aawwws” track. It helps detract us from thinking about things (like how difficult it is in real life for a single mom to raise a child who may or may not know who its father is and how we’re not supposed to play around with our sexuality). But don’t worry; it’s just another day in situation comedy land. The kids will be fine and the sex will be good. Might as well laugh.

Thinking back to just this past year, I can count about four or five times when I’ve had a really good laugh. Most of the time I just chuckle or smile. But every night, for every situation comedy, there are phantom audiences roaring with laughter. It’s part of the alternate reality we succumb towards when watching television. The people we watch are far happier than we are. The folks on television can be as carnal as they want and, laugh all the time about it. They are worldly and joyous, their delight comes not of the Lord.

Funniness Quiz

Here’s a little test. For each item listed, take a minute and ask yourself the following three questions:

1. Is this funny on television?
2. Is this funny in real life?
3. Is this pleasing to the true God of the Bible?

• Children talking back to their parents
  
• Cursing
  
• Displays of selfishness
  
• Double-entendre about sex
  
• Filthy Innuendo
  
• Insults
  
• Joking about fornication
  
• Lying
  
• Invoking the name of God in vain
  
• Planning to commit fornication
  
• Rudeness
  
• Stupidity
  
• Bodily noises (farts & belches)